My Thoughts Lately...

I don't normally write personal things on the blog other than the fun events that Jake and I attend in fear that my blog will bore people, but I've been missing putting some of my thoughts and feelings into writing...I used to do that a lot back in the angst days of high school when everything was so dramatic.  I think I stopped writing when I stopped wanting to be so dramatic, but life hasn't really stopped coming at me and things still affect me, so I think I'll get personal for a bit.

So, I lost my job in December.  In a way, I was looking forward to the time when that would happen, like I could feel a change coming in my life, so I almost expected it, but knowing how to move forward with my life has been difficult these last few weeks.  I have always felt a sense of financial responsibility, which has probably stemmed from paying for my own car insurance, car, clothes, college education, what-have-you ever since I've had those things that makes me feel that way, but finding the right fit in the world of working individuals hasn't always been an easy road for me.  So, I was hoping that maybe this time around it would be different.  Maybe, God would guide me down just the right path and I would find just the right fit and everything would be as it should be again.  But that hasn't happened and its been a bit frustrating.  Although I know that each of us is living our own lives and we each have our own journey, sometimes I look around me and I envy the people that know just what they want to do: be a dentist, a photographer, a sous chef.  Whatever it is, there are people out there in the world that are passionate about something and they are working towards a concrete goal, but I don't know if I am that way.

I started reading the book club selection for the month, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller.   I haven't finished it yet, but some of the thoughts by Miller have hit home to me so far.  For example, if I can remember right, he says something about how we are each living our own stories.  There is a Master Writer out there that has a glorious story in mind for us, but sometimes we are resistant to God's story for us and we want to create our own stories, even though they may not be the best story.  I started to wonder if I am resisting God's story for me. Perhaps its just easier for people to keep doing what they've always been doing, but it seems like now might be the right time for me to set out on another path...to keep  looking until I find the right story.  I may not be trekking down the path of a sous chef or a travel magazine editor, but hopefully I can find the right path that I have been looking for.